Rock Band Runs Into a Brick Wall

It’s only fitting that last night, I threw The Simpsons into my DVD player and watched “Itchy, Scratchy, and Poochie”, the episode satirizing the use of cheap gimmicks to extend the life of television shows.  After two installments of Rock Band, Electronic Arts is financially sagging behind Guitar Hero.  To counter, the franchise is throwing a block party.  I’ll do my best to pretend Harmonix wasn’t in on this, since Time Warner Media suits emerged from the craters of hell to announce it:

If you’ve worried about your youngsters being exposed to the evils of rock music, worry no longer: LEGO Rock Band is coming this holiday season on PS3, 360, Wii and DS to deliver us all from said evil. The game, currently being developed by TT Games and Harmonix, will use all the existing Rock Band and Guitar Hero peripherals.

The family-focused version of the game will allow you to customize your “minifigure avatars” along with your road crew and managers.

A question: Why does one license a child’s toy to sell a tween version of Rock Band?  Because on its own merits, a tween version of Rock Band would be lame.  Unless the Ninja Turtles are going to fight Shredder with the power of music, cross-marketing Rock Band with a child’s toy will not change that.

The PSP version is an unofficial sequel to Amplitude, fine.  The upcoming console iterations, LEGO and The Beatles, are inexcusable.  Rock Band was damn good at being Rock Band.  When I turn on my 360 and it doesn’t catch fire, my choice of rhythm game is a Harmonix game.  Guitar Hero II or Rock Band, either is good.  When Electronic Arts unveiled Rock Band, Activision became the copycat.  Activision had to counter-punch.  They scrambled to turn the next Guitar Hero into a four-man game.  They ported the franchise to every conceivable platform.  Now that the economics have changed, second place isn’t good enough for Electronic Arts.  With three upcoming releases not much different than an Aerosmith game, Activision looks like the company that has it right.  In a bizarre reversal, their business plan has been validated by the gameplay-first competitor.

And so far, Guitar Hero is the series that got the gimmick game right.  When a rhythm game’s quality rests heavily on how well the music plays, no guitar game gets better than what Metallica offers.  I don’t know much about The Beatles, and I never cared much for their music.  But when shill the same-old with a different coat of paint in a down market, it’d better play well.  I don’t know if it can do that, and I don’t think it will.